apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
