I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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