So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
