I hope mine doesn't look like that
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
