dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Randomize
