I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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