i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
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