Swine flu is the new snow day.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
