I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
either way he was missing a nipple.
i dont even know how to be here
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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