i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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