Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
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