My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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