i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
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