I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
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