I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
