In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
