I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
