I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize