I'm going to jail i love you
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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