He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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