i was born a porn star she said
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
