I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I forgot how hot balto sounded
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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