I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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