I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
