So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
