I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
