Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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