she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
30 People Reveal The Moment They Realized: ‘Oh Sh*t, I’m An A**hole’
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
30 Tiny Celebrity Tattoos You’ll Want To Run Out And Copy ASAP
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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