so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
