he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
