i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
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