i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
