Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
