Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
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Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
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This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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