Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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