drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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