is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Randomize
