tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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