So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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