seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
