Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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