...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
