he shaved USA in his pubs
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
