im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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