I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
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for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
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I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
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