OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Just cropdusted the office
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
