I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
