his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
