yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
