Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
