he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
