We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
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