i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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