so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
