Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
