What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize