physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
