I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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