Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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