New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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