I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
