Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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