I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
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Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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