Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
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