jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
