i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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