I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
