are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Randomize
