So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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