dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
