i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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