You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
did i just pee glitter
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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