To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
