Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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