do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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