apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
