There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
