Texts From Last Night

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  (616): View more from Michigan

  If i could tip my vagina, i would.

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  (616): If i could tip my vagina, i would. http://tfl.nu/vria
  Replies (7) Good night (3418) Bad night (509)
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  (727): View more from Florida

  If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.

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  (727): If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends. http://tfl.nu/hu0f
  Replies (25) Good night (497) Bad night (3400)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'

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  (401): Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.' http://tfl.nu/mde3
  Replies (248) Good night (67519) Bad night (3330)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree

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  (617): I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree http://tfl.nu/6ra8
  Replies (23) Good night (6174) Bad night (1063)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making

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  (609): The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making http://tfl.nu/k24g
  Replies (4) Good night (4552) Bad night (846)
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  (307): View more from Wyoming

  I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.

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  (307): I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American. http://tfl.nu/4si2
  Replies (93) Good night (1612) Bad night (9249)
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  (605): View more from South Dakota

  Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.

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  (605): Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs. http://tfl.nu/6a2k
  Replies (14) Good night (2072) Bad night (581)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.

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  (404): You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high. http://tfl.nu/huz5
  Replies (6) Good night (1320) Bad night (951)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.

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  (630): I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver. http://tfl.nu/scdz
  Replies (5) Good night (929) Bad night (460)
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  (310): View more from California

  If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.

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  (310): If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me. http://tfl.nu/jaom
  Replies (1) Good night (501) Bad night (340)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.

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  (614): I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am. http://tfl.nu/znur
  Replies (3) Good night (630) Bad night (264)
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  (701): View more from North Dakota

  I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.

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  (701): I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here. http://tfl.nu/4omy
  Replies (1) Good night (386) Bad night (256)
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  (602): View more from Arizona

  i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr

  (480): View more from Arizona

  truly a win in your book

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  (602): i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr (480): truly a win in your book http://tfl.nu/95qe
  Replies (2) Good night (470) Bad night (219)
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  (915): View more from Texas

  She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?

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  (915): She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex? http://tfl.nu/yio0
  Replies (1) Good night (705) Bad night (290)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  Found the cure to anxiety attacks.

  (425): View more from Washington

  An orgasm

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  (425): Found the cure to anxiety attacks. (425): An orgasm http://tfl.nu/ydc6
  Replies (3) Good night (883) Bad night (158)

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