I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
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