she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
That accounts for only three of the penises
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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