Texts From Last Night

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  (541): View more from Oregon

  There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?

  (253): View more from Washington

  Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.

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  (541): There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them? (253): Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either. http://tfl.nu/fhrp
  Replies (21) Good night (1256) Bad night (689)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college

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  (651): i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college http://tfl.nu/vjhh
  Replies (37) Good night (6941) Bad night (683)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.

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  (404): I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home. http://tfl.nu/u6hf
  Replies (16) Good night (778) Bad night (3540)
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  (216): View more from Ohio

  She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.

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  (216): She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it. http://tfl.nu/064r
  Replies (13) Good night (6568) Bad night (1319)
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  (858): View more from California

  Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch

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  (858): Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch http://tfl.nu/zban
  Replies (28) Good night (8949) Bad night (1518)
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  (530): View more from California

  he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.

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  (530): he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning. http://tfl.nu/2vwb
  Replies (11) Good night (2557) Bad night (1043)
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time

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  (781): In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time http://tfl.nu/v2fu
  Replies (8) Good night (2491) Bad night (978)
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  (763): View more from Minnesota

  FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.

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  (763): FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though. http://tfl.nu/i3qf
  Replies (6) Good night (2597) Bad night (1160)
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  (518): View more from New York

  I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex

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  (518): I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex http://tfl.nu/h730
  Replies (10) Good night (2826) Bad night (693)
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  (727): View more from Florida

  He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.

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  (727): He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life. http://tfl.nu/pdok
  Replies (12) Good night (781) Bad night (1281)
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  (307): View more from Wyoming

  We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.

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  (307): We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying. http://tfl.nu/19ej
  Replies (2) Good night (1574) Bad night (465)
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  (406): View more from Montana

  Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me

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  (406): Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me http://tfl.nu/el5y
  Replies (3) Good night (1107) Bad night (365)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."

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  (410): I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions." http://tfl.nu/l1g1
  Replies (0) Good night (458) Bad night (231)
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  (240): View more from Maryland

  I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed

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  (240): I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed http://tfl.nu/nad6
  Replies (4) Good night (199) Bad night (453)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit

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  (512): Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit http://tfl.nu/v19d
  Replies (1) Good night (552) Bad night (193)

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