Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.

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(617): M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad. http://tfl.nu/r9d8

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.

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(603): turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops. http://tfl.nu/vdzv

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(305): View more from Florida

I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.

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(305): I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind. http://tfl.nu/8l0m

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(719): View more from Colorado

we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall

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(719): we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall http://tfl.nu/c3tv

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(647): View more from Ontario

Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?

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(647): Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen? http://tfl.nu/shhx

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(731): View more from Tennessee

Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!

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(731): Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?! http://tfl.nu/umwb

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(540): View more from Virginia

She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.

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(540): She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic. http://tfl.nu/cwdw

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(678): View more from Georgia

I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly

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(678): I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly http://tfl.nu/mkzb

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(609): View more from New Jersey

why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?

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(609): why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs? http://tfl.nu/z5vs

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(+61): View more from Australia

We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.

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(+61): We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away. http://tfl.nu/e1yg

Replies (9) Good night (2196) Bad night (613)
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(850): View more from Florida

I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.

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(850): I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas. http://tfl.nu/47ku

Replies (4) Good night (1088) Bad night (616)
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(281): View more from Texas

Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.

(940): View more from Texas

Deal.

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(281): Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass. (940): Deal. http://tfl.nu/ji2y

Replies (14) Good night (2773) Bad night (510)
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(701): View more from North Dakota

I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.

(1-701): View more from North Dakota

Are you high?

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(701): I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea. (1-701): Are you high? http://tfl.nu/ioya

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(250): View more from British Columbia

My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.

(1-250): View more from British Columbia

Aspirations

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(250): My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him. (1-250): Aspirations http://tfl.nu/oh99

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(541): View more from Oregon

25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.

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(541): 25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that. http://tfl.nu/kj3r

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