Texts From Last Night

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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.

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  (610): A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex. http://tfl.nu/u4lo
  Replies (29) Good night (6017) Bad night (1142)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.

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  (443): The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion. http://tfl.nu/57n6
  Replies (31) Good night (602) Bad night (4561)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.

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  (541): i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar. http://tfl.nu/crfd
  Replies (7) Good night (3250) Bad night (1910)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.

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  (503): Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college. http://tfl.nu/hzqm
  Replies (14) Good night (5112) Bad night (993)
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  (650): View more from California

  I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.

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  (650): I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program. http://tfl.nu/1rj5
  Replies (14) Good night (5003) Bad night (1061)
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  (952): View more from Minnesota

  I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.

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  (952): I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing. http://tfl.nu/jvox
  Replies (25) Good night (1595) Bad night (3512)
• Favorite

  (361): View more from Texas

  I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.

  (1-361): View more from Texas

  Ew! He's just a child!

  (361): View more from Texas

  AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.

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  (361): I'm okay with corrupting his young mind. (1-361): Ew! He's just a child! (361): AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE. http://tfl.nu/exs0
  Replies (46) Good night (3892) Bad night (1893)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.

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  (720): I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up. http://tfl.nu/iuni
  Replies (5) Good night (765) Bad night (1565)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus

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  (203): I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus http://tfl.nu/crym
  Replies (13) Good night (1391) Bad night (1270)
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  (210): View more from Texas

  I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.

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  (210): I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful. http://tfl.nu/5n8j
  Replies (7) Good night (1843) Bad night (735)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover

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  (614): It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover http://tfl.nu/1h1b
  Replies (4) Good night (727) Bad night (379)
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  (705): View more from Ontario

  We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.

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  (705): We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman. http://tfl.nu/hp7f
  Replies (0) Good night (822) Bad night (247)
• Favorite

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.

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  (901): I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy. http://tfl.nu/blaa
  Replies (2) Good night (662) Bad night (236)
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  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics

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  (774): Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics http://tfl.nu/x2gy
  Replies (0) Good night (493) Bad night (261)
• Favorite

  (606): View more from Kentucky

  When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.

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  (606): When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up. http://tfl.nu/8sfz
  Replies (3) Good night (662) Bad night (202)

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