Texts From Last Night

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  (317): View more from Indiana

  i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick

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  (317): i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick http://tfl.nu/0icp
  Replies (21) Good night (3744) Bad night (934)
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  (574): View more from Indiana

  So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.

  (574): View more from Indiana

  Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.

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  (574): So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap. (574): Side Note: My mute button doesn't work. http://tfl.nu/2spl
  Replies (10) Good night (765) Bad night (3744)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke

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  (519): I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke http://tfl.nu/3o1y
  Replies (50) Good night (1315) Bad night (2833)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Haha, bad night?

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  (617): guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS. (508): Haha, bad night? http://tfl.nu/huzs
  Replies (144) Good night (1451) Bad night (16850)
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  (517): View more from Michigan

  drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea

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  (517): drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea http://tfl.nu/z8sz
  Replies (29) Good night (3772) Bad night (1827)
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  (281): View more from Texas

  when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer

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  (281): when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer http://tfl.nu/c3p9
  Replies (32) Good night (11159) Bad night (1314)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.

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  (703): theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already. http://tfl.nu/gg0y
  Replies (11) Good night (2699) Bad night (904)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.

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  (815): im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again. http://tfl.nu/iwek
  Replies (31) Good night (4382) Bad night (1220)
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE

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  (256): The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE http://tfl.nu/2u36
  Replies (11) Good night (1342) Bad night (2711)
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat

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  (920): I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat http://tfl.nu/rpn1
  Replies (3) Good night (550) Bad night (1426)
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  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night

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  (262): Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night http://tfl.nu/r3zi
  Replies (2) Good night (1350) Bad night (476)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!

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  (678): No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing! http://tfl.nu/2stv
  Replies (1) Good night (633) Bad night (328)
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  (309): View more from Illinois

  It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with

  (847): View more from Illinois

  Yes. It does.

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  (309): It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with (847): Yes. It does. http://tfl.nu/cna3
  Replies (4) Good night (915) Bad night (359)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling

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  (215): All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling http://tfl.nu/arff
  Replies (1) Good night (306) Bad night (534)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.

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  (304): When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night. http://tfl.nu/a3k2
  Replies (1) Good night (255) Bad night (647)

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