We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
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Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
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It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.