im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
