yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
