I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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