if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
