i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
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